Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Eat my subconcious dust Project Greenlight!

This is a a week late (thanks to blogger being screwy and another ferocious week), but just too friggin' weird not to share. I arrived home yesterday morning from my home away from home (aka: the boyfriend's pad) at around 7am. Upon completing my morning toilette; cereal, coffee and a shower, I decided alloting twenty winks to Katie Couric's banal insights on the Prison Poncho were in order.

Alas, I fell FAST asleep only to awaken with 8minutes left to still hit my train and be reasonably on-time to work, I had snoozed a mere 12 minutes, but my subconcious had managed to yank out the mental crayolas and draw a very strange picture, the detail which follows; Eat my shorts, Freud!

(scene opens: Jen's overflowing desk at work, color prints of Sales Aids, Flashcards and Direct Mail ensconce our heroine, her phone rings every 3.2 seconds and email dings 1.4 creating a cacophony of corporate white noise.)

Jen: "Sheesh guys, can't some of this wait until tomorrow? I have dinner plans and don't want to cancel for a fourth time!"

Souless Account Person:I suppose, we can't piss you off enough to leave until that mitochondrial DNA sample we took grows tall enough to reach the keyboard."


(heroine leaves, taking a long and cold train ride home to the North Side of Chicago, fumbles for key and enters her apartment. Heroine is startled that her living room now has doilies, a green-checkered couch and heart-shaped wreaths on the wall.)

Jen: "Huh? Why does it look like Martha Stewart is on the lamb in my apartment?"

(further investigation shows that NONE of our heroine's meger possesions are in the apartment...not even the fat cat! She camps out on the icky couch and watches cable for awhile to figure out a plan of attack. Suddenly, the door swings open, and a girl strongly resembling Mena Suvari enters.)

PsudeoMena: "What are you doing in my apartment?!!!"

Jen: "YOUR apartment? My lease expires May 1st, it's March who in blazes gave you a key and where is my cat!"

PsudeoMena: "I have no idea what you are talking about, the management group said this place was vacant and I moved in this morning."

Jen: "You're crazy, they're crazy...it was a flippin' VIEWING they left me a message about, you can't sign a lease if I'm still under one.....seriously, did you let the cat out or what?"

PseudoMena: I'm calling the cops, you have 20minutes to vacate MY home."

(PseduoMena runs upstairs to a loft apartment where her friends apparently live, Jen dashes across the street to where her good friend Dave lives and rings the buzzer.)

Jen: Dave, You gotta help me, Mena Suvari stole my cat and is probably trying to roast her for kebabs with the upstairs neighbors!"

(Dave comes downstairs to let the heroine in, he has been having tea with her mom ****ASIDE: Dave and Jen's mom are like SpongeBob and the Christian group "Focus on the Family" in the same room*** Dave lets Jen upstairs and they plot a plan to oust Mena, recapture Twyla the Cat and make the property managment group rue the day began in ernest. Jen's Mom asks "How have you been?" "You never call anymore?" and vanishes to the sidelines)

After sneaking back to Jen's place and up to the neighbors, mewling is heard, the upstairs neighbors DO have Jen's cat and she's locked up in a cage. Dave frees Twyla, interupts a facncy dinner party and starts to beat the stuffing out of PseduoMena.

Kim JongII then starts dropping nukes on the Ciy of Chicago and it's every neighborhood for itself, Jen, Dave, Twyla, Mia (Dave's cat), and most of the teams from The Globe Pub Quiz form a rebel "army" much akin to "Red Dawn" and stake out the viaduct @ Western and Belmont.

-----end dream------

Wish I could provide a nice Hollywood ending, but at this point I awake in a "EEEeeeekkkk I overslept state" to Matt Lauer "oohing and "ahhing" over the new Spring Skirts on the Today's Style segment....equally disturbing but at that point I did the 6min iron and dress running like crazy out the door to catch whatever train would speed me to work sprint.

**ASIDE Part Deuce: It should be noted that Jen is apartment searching as her place is a fancy tenement on a fair day, and that her managment company has called her twice to show her place with less than 20min notice. She watched a program on mitrochondrial DNA on PBS Monday, had to work until 8pm last Friday, Kim Jong was a question on Tuesday's Pub Quiz and hasn't talked to her Mom in a week. Mena Suvari? Well that's anyone's guess!


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