Friday, March 23, 2007

The Empress's New Clothes

This past Wednesday taught me that there IS in fact such a thing as a wardrobe malfunction; the fact that I now share a common bond with Janet Jackson is a bit disconcerting though!

It all began with the fabulousness that is the Chicago Transit Authority, oncemore they managed to fail to move a train on a track from North to South in a timely manner, so much so I was running 12minutes late despite having left early.

Knowing that I had a big deadline at 10am, upon arrival I channeled my inner Harold Abrahams and tore out of the station with great speed. Reaching Michigan Avenue, I heard a ripping sound and felt suddenly very loose and very bouncy. Having been so busy at work, laundry had piled up and I was to the bottom of my lingerie drawer, and this day I was forced to wear an old front-closure bra that had seen better days. The little slot the metal clasp slips into had ripped and my gals were sudddenly freer than had they attended a 1960s morning bra-burning.

Such the dedicated worker-bee, I hustled quickely up the elevator and into the well-placed ladies room outside the main office front doors. After assesing the situtation, I attempted to snag the clasp through a thin part of the fabric with some limited success. Buttoning up my shirt I felt a great sense of relief......until two of the buttons on my shirt fell off.

Some folks might find this an excellent time to skulk off into the elevator and place a sick call, but not I! Steadfast, I strolled casually into the office, coat on and shoulders hunched together. Switching up my morning routine, I gathered coffee and a mineral water first and then hunkered down at my desk, slyly slipping my coat onto the back of my chair and slouching.

This worked remarkbly well, and, with the exception of an odd look for wearing my coat to the bathroom on one occasion, seemed to fool the office folks. Lunchtime finally came around and I scurried over to the Target that was thankfully located a mere 4 blocks away. Once there, I located a new bra, new top (oh, did I mention there was also an evening function immediately after work I neeeded to attend? and no time to stop home in between for a new frock!) and a set of safety pins.

Changing in the Target bathroom like a desparate woman, I ripped the tags off the new bra and commenced pinning together my blouse; the charade would be spoiled if I had to explain why I had a different top on when returning to work!

Amazingly, nothing else went wrong the rest of the afternoon and I easily crept back to the restroom at the end of the day to change into my fresh evening attire. The event I attended was unfortunately boring, long and short on food and beverage....but, at least no one was the wiser that I had a broken shirt in my bag.

What of the bra? That would have been left in a garbage can on State/Roosevelt, to avoid any temptation I may have had to repair it when returning home...I think after a 3rd wardrobe malfunction the FCC now puts you in mandatory wardrobe rehab with Janet, Britney and Tara Reid as your counselors!
> Listed on