Thursday, March 31, 2005

Thurs-day, THURS-day, THURSDAY in a government building near you!

This is unfortunately a day late thanks to blogger being down, but I got such a kick out of it yesterday overhearing it on the news.

Apparently a brawl broke out in the Russian Parliment Wednesday, and while some might frown upon this as being childish and immature, I say "BRAVO" and think the US could take a lesson. We hear about excessive petty bickering on the let's bring it out front! Most of these august men look as though they haven't passed up a jelly donut in their tenure, so this initiative could make our Congress "pumped up" in addition to providing a healthy and quite entertaining anger outlet. And, with Fox pondering canceling "Arrested Development", there's a gigantic hole in their programming practically screaming "GOP Smackdown" as it's newest reality show.

Gives a whole new meaning to "Tied up in Judicial Committee by Spector!"
Posted by Hello

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

So this Girl Walks into the Osco....

This is the kind of thing one expects to also include the proverbial "...and Man, did she bang her head!" I was over at my local Osco last evening for STICKERS of all things. For those not in the know, I'm riding in the MS150 (which could be 175 for me) Tour de Farms this summer; and due to inclimate weather and inconsolable laziness have not trained at all.

It was unbelievably luscious weather yesterday in Chicago, and perhaps that's what tipped my mental scales to "Hey, You have about 12 weeks until this feat of physical absurdity....MOVE THAT BUTT!" To that end, I went jogging 3 panting miles followed by some grueling weight-training (they were VERY heavy 5lb weights!).

Despite my hope that this would not be such an obstacle, my hamstrings and other muscles groaned and moaned quite loudly at this masochist act against them. Even a cold and refreshing chocolate "Tofutti" pop was not bribery enough. This finally brings us back to the title of this entry. As I am a sucker for any sort of reward or kudo (Best at Tying Shoes? HA! Take that Hilary Swank!), I thought perhaps getting some cute stickers for each day an "Act of Fitness" was accomplished to adhere to my calendar would appease my inner meritocrat and track my progress. Figuring on 60 or so days, I looked for the sticker packs with the most stuffed on a page...this turned out to be "Hello, Kitty." As I've always thought the clean cut designs of this Asian animae phenom kinda cool, I snagged a pack and headed for the checkout.

Here's where it gets weird. At the front check out line is "J" a fellow I had a brief and fairly pointless association with last year. "J" loved animae, and was a "Hello, Kitty" always seemed weird to me that a caucasian man of heterosexual orientation would have "Kitty" calendar, desk set and pink puffy rugs. Thus, I quickly ducked behind a thankfully quite husky fellow carrying beer and was not spotted.

Reason #536 to Move: Less chance of sticker triggered ex-encounters.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Happy Hip-Hop Easter!

Best wishes to everyone celebrating! Here's a dorky little ditty a friend sent me and in my frazzled state, it brought a see the full flash movie, go here.

P. Diddy Cottontail's new pimped ride for crusin down that bunny trail! 
Posted by Hello

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Eat my subconcious dust Project Greenlight!

This is a a week late (thanks to blogger being screwy and another ferocious week), but just too friggin' weird not to share. I arrived home yesterday morning from my home away from home (aka: the boyfriend's pad) at around 7am. Upon completing my morning toilette; cereal, coffee and a shower, I decided alloting twenty winks to Katie Couric's banal insights on the Prison Poncho were in order.

Alas, I fell FAST asleep only to awaken with 8minutes left to still hit my train and be reasonably on-time to work, I had snoozed a mere 12 minutes, but my subconcious had managed to yank out the mental crayolas and draw a very strange picture, the detail which follows; Eat my shorts, Freud!

(scene opens: Jen's overflowing desk at work, color prints of Sales Aids, Flashcards and Direct Mail ensconce our heroine, her phone rings every 3.2 seconds and email dings 1.4 creating a cacophony of corporate white noise.)

Jen: "Sheesh guys, can't some of this wait until tomorrow? I have dinner plans and don't want to cancel for a fourth time!"

Souless Account Person:I suppose, we can't piss you off enough to leave until that mitochondrial DNA sample we took grows tall enough to reach the keyboard."


(heroine leaves, taking a long and cold train ride home to the North Side of Chicago, fumbles for key and enters her apartment. Heroine is startled that her living room now has doilies, a green-checkered couch and heart-shaped wreaths on the wall.)

Jen: "Huh? Why does it look like Martha Stewart is on the lamb in my apartment?"

(further investigation shows that NONE of our heroine's meger possesions are in the apartment...not even the fat cat! She camps out on the icky couch and watches cable for awhile to figure out a plan of attack. Suddenly, the door swings open, and a girl strongly resembling Mena Suvari enters.)

PsudeoMena: "What are you doing in my apartment?!!!"

Jen: "YOUR apartment? My lease expires May 1st, it's March who in blazes gave you a key and where is my cat!"

PsudeoMena: "I have no idea what you are talking about, the management group said this place was vacant and I moved in this morning."

Jen: "You're crazy, they're was a flippin' VIEWING they left me a message about, you can't sign a lease if I'm still under one.....seriously, did you let the cat out or what?"

PseudoMena: I'm calling the cops, you have 20minutes to vacate MY home."

(PseduoMena runs upstairs to a loft apartment where her friends apparently live, Jen dashes across the street to where her good friend Dave lives and rings the buzzer.)

Jen: Dave, You gotta help me, Mena Suvari stole my cat and is probably trying to roast her for kebabs with the upstairs neighbors!"

(Dave comes downstairs to let the heroine in, he has been having tea with her mom ****ASIDE: Dave and Jen's mom are like SpongeBob and the Christian group "Focus on the Family" in the same room*** Dave lets Jen upstairs and they plot a plan to oust Mena, recapture Twyla the Cat and make the property managment group rue the day began in ernest. Jen's Mom asks "How have you been?" "You never call anymore?" and vanishes to the sidelines)

After sneaking back to Jen's place and up to the neighbors, mewling is heard, the upstairs neighbors DO have Jen's cat and she's locked up in a cage. Dave frees Twyla, interupts a facncy dinner party and starts to beat the stuffing out of PseduoMena.

Kim JongII then starts dropping nukes on the Ciy of Chicago and it's every neighborhood for itself, Jen, Dave, Twyla, Mia (Dave's cat), and most of the teams from The Globe Pub Quiz form a rebel "army" much akin to "Red Dawn" and stake out the viaduct @ Western and Belmont.

-----end dream------

Wish I could provide a nice Hollywood ending, but at this point I awake in a "EEEeeeekkkk I overslept state" to Matt Lauer "oohing and "ahhing" over the new Spring Skirts on the Today's Style segment....equally disturbing but at that point I did the 6min iron and dress running like crazy out the door to catch whatever train would speed me to work sprint.

**ASIDE Part Deuce: It should be noted that Jen is apartment searching as her place is a fancy tenement on a fair day, and that her managment company has called her twice to show her place with less than 20min notice. She watched a program on mitrochondrial DNA on PBS Monday, had to work until 8pm last Friday, Kim Jong was a question on Tuesday's Pub Quiz and hasn't talked to her Mom in a week. Mena Suvari? Well that's anyone's guess!
> Listed on