Happy Halloween!

Without further ado, here's this year's costume...


Try the shrimp, I hear they're excellent! 

She Lives in a Bubble. Bubble Girl!

So, there's apparently a big game of stick swinging going on in town; I am referring. of course, to the Chicago White Sox appearance in the World Series.

Due to the local media overkill, I am trying to remain in my cave of ignorance until it's over; restricting my news to Yahoo! and CNN. While the city's enthusiasm is natural, Chicago is a sports-crazy town and there is no happy medium...the only thing happening IS the "Sox Super Fantastic World Series". Having lived here through the Chicago Bulls reign of mightiness, I can take a guess at the exuberant anchor tie-ins:

National News: A United Airlines pilot in Miami was suspended over an alcoholic smell on his breath, but he couldn't be as drunk as Sox fans will be when they win the World Series!!!!

Politics: Ben Bernanke has been named the new chairman of the Federal Reserve. Wonder if he can manage his portfolio wisely enough to afford the sky-high tickets prices for Game 5?

Weather: "It's rainy out, and a little breezy...but that's should allow for the wood in the bats to expand just enough to ensure several Grand Slams for the Sox to pummel Houston into submission."

And if the above isn't reason enough to consider being an informational recluse, consider the following. At the conclusion of the '98 Bulls championship run, I had been in Chicago barely a year and recently been forced to move to accommodate new condos. My parents had driven down from Minnesota to help me unpack. The Bulls won the championship at about 9:30pm that evening, and we were then treated to a 3-hour cacophony of horn-honking, screaming, fireworks and even some gunfire. My decision to move to Chicago seemed suddenly questionable.

That said, my self-induced shut-in status will continue until Thursday. If there is a swarm of killer bees, dangerous pollen levels or Lake Michigan dries up, can someone local let me know? Thanks!

A Tree Was Cut For This?

I’d like to use this forum to post a literary PSA: William Gibson’s new novel “Pattern Recognition” is an atrocious waste of time. “Pattern Recognition” is a bad book, it both sucks and blows.

Not that google will necessarily pick that up in a search, or that I’ll even rank...my motivation to post is merely the self-satisfaction of a big *pppppbbbt* to all those amazon.com raves and the complete lack of a dissenting party with the exception of one fellow posting “It’s an Oprah’s Book Club Selection in the making....”

That lack of any opposition is unnerving, as this book is a huge departure from his typical work. It would seem that the reviewers/fans just couldn’t stand up and say “He WAS a great sci-fi novelist, and still may have a good book in him....this ain’t it and for that you get 1-star. Learn from this and get off those laurels, Mr. Gibson!”

The fact that I could be crazy and just have missed the point of the novel is also under investigation. At my bookclub on Sunday, the two other people who showed up to discuss this book thought it was pretty good, but they're a fairly agreeable bunch and not prone to rants (my friend C who also thought it was a waste of tree, could not unfortunately attend!)

Enough snarking, and on with a critique! Overall, the writing style is very uncomfortable to read, the author seems to be striving for a “conversational tone” and stream of consciousness effect....what he gets is choppy blocks of text, bad grammar and the reader wondering who gave him permission to stop Ritalin. He is also in dire need of a compass and a patient editor; the first 300 pages are a mismash circular tract detailing a kitchen remodel and tertiary characters who never reappear..... problem is, there are only 367 pages!!! He also uses 9/11 as a plot device, which left me quite uneasy. There will perhaps come a time, many years from now when the events of September 11 are looked back upon as a faded memory and nonchalantly referred to often in popular books, movies and television....the public mind typically being amnesiatic and fickle.

This is not the time.

While Mr. Gibson was reasonably careful in his handling of the material, the fact that it was tacked on to the manuscript as an indicator of present day versus his sci-fi reality highlights his lack of imagination. If one were to be quite cynical, it was a device to sell books.....my faith in humanity is willing to live in naiveté and give the author the benefit of being a just hack, not a vile being.

Okay, hey, wasn’t that just a bassinet full of vipers? There are good people out in the world, here’s one of them!

A Haunting We Will Go...

This weekend was a sit-at-home, be a veg and let my inner Martha Stewart run amok getting my Halloween costume ready. For those not in the know, I take Halloween quite seriously; it's being looked into by the APA as the new designer OCD. My folly starts with rules, as I am hyper-specific as to the guidelines by which this monument to paganism is constructed:
1. Total costume cost may not exceed $30
2. 40% of costume must be hand-constructed
3. It must be something/someone I admire and worthy of a "tribute"
4. No one knows what I'm going as until the first party, period.

This year there were several strong contenders, one was kaboshed due to weather fears, another due to lack of a key element and there was even a back-up in case nothing else clicked! This year's costume was actually a contender last year, but was overturned due to the excitement of being dressed as a bad-ass "Kill Bill" bride Uma Thurman and hauling a sword around to reinforce my flinty-eyed self.

This year, I have been relentlessly hounded from various camps to at least give a hint...and to be sporting, I've decided to throw down my own gauntlet. What follows is the shopping list for my costume, I have excluded any objects or notions already in my possession.....and while I have a substantial trove of buttons, ric-rac, stuffing and double-sided fusing, I promise that none of the existing objects are big players in the overall production.

Guess away if you can in the comments! The winner (if there is one) and grand unveiling will be posted on 10/31. Good Luck! (Oh, it should be noted that I rarely use the items in question for their intended purpose...yea, I suck! ;)

Jen's 2005 Costume Shopping List
1. One Pair of Pink Socks
2. One Red Alligator-embossed piece of Felt
3. One Black Sparkle piece of Felt
4. One Peach "Fun Foam" piece
5. One Green Plastic Tablecloth
6. One Pack of disposable BBQ Skewers
7. One Black Turtleneck

Some previous year's accomplishments... 

What color was your parachute anyways?

*Insert hopelessly apologetic blatherings about being busy, having writer’s block, being stuck under large furniture and riding on magic carpets with aliens instead of blogging*

It’s been awhile since I’ve had to job interview, at least in the real sense. Due to the freelance nature of my work, I’ve had many a “pass the muster” meeting; having been selected to do the work, the employer wishes to confirm my hair color is one attainable by human genetics and I can conjugate a proper sentence without using the word “Dude” as a grammatical device.

Needless to say, long gone are the days when I sat hovering outside various corporate atriums, hands sweating madly, waiting for that first incomprehensible HR question “Well your certainly qualified, but what three things would take with you on a desert island....”

I suck at these questions. If there is an appropriate answer, mine inevitably sound good in my head but instantly fall apart if one were to analyze:

"Well Jane, I think I’d bring a copy of “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” a copy of Radiohead’s “The Bends” and a deck of cards”

(Translation: Philosophic naval gazer picks creature comforts over practicalities and is so completely out of touch with reality she wastes a choice on a CD without providing a device to play it on or facilities to provide power....also might have a potential gambling problem.)

"Okay how about a knife, flint and fish hooks....”
(Translation: Applicant shows tendency towards violence, potential pyromania and is obviously unaware that a steady diet of fish would result in unhealthy mercury levels...high risk to our HMO provider)

This sort of asinine questioning is supposed to provide them a window unto my soul; hinting at how I am under pressure and if I can think outside that cliched well-worn box. It is also the kind of BS, that usually has me turning on them and asking:

“Look, if you want to know how I am in a workplace setting, here are my references. I have a whole book of work here representing my creative side and the only way you’re going to know if you like me is to get to know me over time.”

Which is an excellent way of been branded as someone who can’t take direction and obviously has something to hide. Can you smell the paranoia?

Today’s interview was without any of the normal crud one must jump through to prove exemplary hoop-jumping status. In fact, everything went quite well until it occurred to me on the bus ride home....there might have been a test, a chocolate test.

After meeting with Person A, I was about to be shuffled into Person B’s office for my 2nd show of the afternoon. Person A, nonchalantly offered me a chocolate, which I accepted....and, as I’m craving some sugar, open and shove into my mouth as we walk down the hall, having been told there would be a wait until B was out of a meeting. As luck would have it, B turns the corner and begins the introductory yip-yap. I stand there helplessly nodding and “Um-Hmm-inng” while trying to swallow my sweet indiscretion whole.

This perhaps was a test, I now think, with the following outcomes/interpretations:
A: Take the chocolate, and put it away. (Polite, but perhaps not one of us)

B: Take the chocolate, eat it just quickly enough not to be slobbish, but fast enough to start the next meeting on time. (This is your candidate!)

C. Take the chocolate, eat it and still being chewing for the next meeting. (Team player, but not efficient.)

D. Do not take the chocolate, feign a diet or allergy. (Weirdo, definitely not one of us, and is she implying I’m fat?!)

Then again, should this position not work out, I found this hay farm in Canada for the low, low price of $250,000...as self-employment is in my nature, it’s at least a horizontal career move as well.

Happy Blog-a-Catmas!

A very joyous occasion in which to revel in feline funnies...see Accordion Guy's Site for more on this now annual "holiday". My picture is of my little darlin' Twyla and her new guilty pleasure, drinking out of the bathtub....I'm so very proud!


"mmmm, drainwater goodness!"